It’s Rainin’ Again …

It’s raining in Sydney. You may have heard about it because you may be sick of Sydney people talking about how it’s raining.

I think we talk about it because Sydney is in no way set up to handle rain. Someone sneezes near a train and the whole network goes down, so in weather like this (which is quite epic and record-breaking), the whole city ceases to function properly.

Our street, for example, is the exit for one of the main artery roads feeding into Sydney and it was closed down today because it flooded. Whole suburbs were gridlocked in traffic as a result, as the neighbourhood ducks happily surfed the streets.

B drove me to work this morning and when we crossed the creek, it hadn’t even burst its banks and it was barely sprinkling. The traffic was hectic, but it was approaching peak hour.

About four blocks from my work, a giant semi-trailer, slowly ground against our car, pushing us to the left. We are okay, the car is mostly okay, but I’d forgotten that my body responds to shock by trying to put itself to sleep, so when I showed up to work (I’d called ahead to warn them I was running late because of the truck) everyone wanted to know if I was okay, and I wanted a giant nap.

By the time B drove home, the road was well and truly flooded and the round trip must’ve taken a few hours.

Delilah has been happy to have him working from home and being allowed to sleep inside, although, give her an inch and she’ll take a mile of wet weather privilege. Her bones are inside, suddenly and she’s been commandeering whatever couch the cat wants to sleep on.

She and B went to investigate the neighbourhood.

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Just a bit of water.

 

Kreeping Up With the Kardashians #1

In a lovely homage to one of their biggest fans, Anne Treasure, the Kardashians launched season 10 of Keeping Up With (you guessed it!) the Kardashians the day after Anne’s wedding.

Anne’s wedding was delightful. There was a dog in a bow tie (actually two, if you count the delightful National Treasure, First Dog On The Moon), I cried, the bride cried, but only because someone poked her in the eye, there was a very long kiss and there was Patrón XO Café.

Bonjour to you, sir!

Anyway, this isn’t about weddings, this is about season 10. More specifically, this is what we already know about the drama that’s going to unfold this season.

Let’s talk about what what this season “promises” and how the off-season has ruined some of the suspense:

Kim will have a baby: there is a very sweet moment in the first episode where Kim explains to her ob/gyn that she has a hairdresser who is also a psychic who has told her that her next baby will be a boy. She looks very graceful with her paper towel skirt, with a wand up her hoo-ha while telling this story and her ob/gyn very generously tells her he gives her a 50% chance of a boy.

Spoiler: Kim will not have a baby this season. We, the viewers know this because during the off season we’ve lived through her breaking the Internet with her delightfully oiled derriere in a shoot she says she wanted to do in order to capture her pre-second baby body.  That was months ago, which is years in Internet time and there is no baby.

Kendall and Kylie will act out: Kendall and Kylie are still very much a sub-plot in Kardashiland, at least for this season. Teasers suggested therapy might be in order for both and that Kylie feels like someone off camera doesn’t know her anymore. Honestly, it’s possible she was talking to a camera man, who at this stage, probably does know her better than her own mother.

Spoiler: Neither will go particularly off-the-rails this season. During the off season, Kylie’s lips did start to resemble one of Erwin Wurm‘s car sculptures, but Kim cleared that little mess up by explaining Kylie is very good with makeup tricks which help her look like she’s had too much lip filler. Kendall did a lot of modelling things, including a bunch of Chanel, so you know, not exactly failing at life. She may be having sexual feelings about Justin Bieber though, depending on which tabloid you read.

Rob’s life is a disaster: If there is one thing that brings tears to my eyes, it’s Khloe crying. Firstly because she is a very glamorous crier and I feel sad that I don’t look like that when I cry. Secondly, because Khloe is my favourite Kardashian and when she feels pain, I feel pain. Last season, her heart was still being broken by Lamar, this season, by Rob, her brother-husband.

Spoiler: There is no spoiler, it honestly looks like things are not well for Rob. After laughing for longer than was probably necessarily at the idea of a line of socks, I actually looked at them and they are pretty good and I’m probably going to end up owning some.

Khloe and French will break up: How long do you have? Are you sitting down? Good, because I have so much to say about why Khloe and French should break up. I wanted to like French. First of all, I like that his name is French! Second, Lamar. Lamar that 6 foot 10 inch heart-breaker. Do you know what a man who is that tall means to a tall woman? And he was sweet to her and he played in the NBA and they laughed together and LAMAR! But he broke her heart and their marriage and she needs to get over him so she can find another amazing tall man to make her feel dainty and that man is not French. As Kourtney said, “He’s so dumb. I can’t spend time around dumb people like that anymore, so please don’t bring another dummy.”.

Spoiler: As of maybe two weeks ago, they were still on-off. Ugh. Interestingly though, apparently Khloe and Lamar’s divorce papers are going to be void soon if she doesn’t pull the trigger on them. Let’s hope she’s lost them and she and Lamar fall in love while searching her closet which is bigger than my whole bedroom and season 11 opens to a fuzzy montage of them making love on a fluffy white rug.

Bruce dates Kris’s best friend and breaks Kris’s heart: This one was big news for a few weeks, but again, it happened so long ago that we all know what happened. If you don’t know what happened … keep reading.

Spoiler: Not much. If there was any kind of hanky panky going on, it seemed to be a flash in the pan. Next week an interview with Barbara Walters and Bruce is airing in the States. Most sources agree that in this interview, Bruce will discuss his transition from male to female. Most also agree the transition probably won’t feature on KUWTK and although the family haven’t confirmed Bruce’s news, all the kids have said they support their father no matter what.

So there we have it.

Luckily the appeal of KUWTK is never in the big reveals anyway, it’s in the smaller moments and any moment with Khloe and the dream that one day Lamar will come back and we’ll all be happily married forever to him.

I’m a professional cynic but my heart’s not in it.

Last week I handed in my first psychology assignment. You know when people say things like, ‘OMG! Did you hear what she said?! What, did she just take Feminism 101 or something?’? This assignment was literally a PSY101 essay and there’s a reason for the cliche.

I would have preferred to scratch my nails on a chalkboard for two weeks than write it, so I’m hoping my intuition that I did okay is correct.

Right in the middle of it, I started using hard drugs to help me through, by which I mean macaroni and cheese. I’m pretty sure the recipe I use is from the Commonsense Cookery Book, but I’ve started to refine it. For example: always with the dijon mustard. New discovery: soy milk makes a superior white sauce than cow milk.

Every day, I would eat my macaroni and cheese and watch a Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt episode and then I would stack my dishes in the sink and forget about them and B would say, ‘What are the white globs in the sink that smell like vomit?!’ and I would say, ‘That’s the remains of heaven, B. Heaven’.

Now I have to start essay two, or essay poo, as I like to call it (not really, potential essay marker, I am taking this very seriously.).

As a nice reward, we went to Orange on the weekend with Delilah. It just so happened the annual food week was on, which included some farmers markets, so we went and ate goat sausages and bought some honey goat cheese, and some Stone Pine gin and some fudge.

Delilah rolled in various kinds of poo, and went for a swim in the dam and failed to keep a fox out of the yard.

We brought home one very tired, very happy, very stinky corgi as well as some gin.